


bro we are literally kissing rn bro

by fricklefracklefloof



Category: Nikolai Series - Leigh Bardugo, Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Angst, Banter, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Illustrated, Language Barrier, M/M, Modern AU, Online AU, Online Pining, Sort Of, by me!, kind of, like half texting and half not, lots of banter, online friends au, texting fic, there is actual writing i promise, ugh how do you tag on here um, wybie and jack if you're seeing this this is you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:20:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26626630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fricklefracklefloof/pseuds/fricklefracklefloof
Summary: Jesper has known Kuwei since he was in middle school. They've been through a lot together—awkward phases, family issues, learning each other's languages, you name it. But here's the only problem with their friendship: they've only ever known each other online.And though Jesper has only seen Kuwei through a screen, he might be falling for him.Kuwei and his family have always had to hide different parts of themselves. Being on the move a lot, he's never really gotten the chance to make any permanent friends. But being someone who could practically fit in his own pocket, Jesper has always been a constant in Kuwei's life. And maybe, for the first time, he'll get to meet his closest friend in person.
Relationships: Jesper Fahey/Kuwei Yul-Bo
Comments: 10
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

softcowboy: good morning today i ate some grass and it was not good

kuweidoesarson: MORNING

kuweidoesarson: it is afternoon

softcowboy: BY LIKE TWO MINUTES??

softcowboy: you should SERIOUSLY be glad i get up so early

kuweidoesarson: still afternoon

kuweidoesarson: still future noises

softcowboy: shut up shu han standard time

kuweidoesarson: no ❤️

kuweidoesarson: anyways WHY did u eat grass stupid

softcowboy: IN MY DEFENSE leoni told me that humans can handle a little bit sometimes

softcowboy: and i was Hungery

softcowboy: but it’s gross and now my mouth tastes like gross

kuweidoesarson: she probably told u that just to make u eat it

kuweidoesarson: were u seriously that desperate

softcowboy: NO SHE DIDN’T leoni would never

softcowboy: AND IDK I WAS JUST CURIOUS

softcowboy: ok maybe she would

kuweidoesarson: ;)

softcowboy: ew emoticon user

kuweidoesarson: ew emoji user

softcowboy: YOU LITERALLY JUST- nevermind

kuweidoesarson: heart emojis don’t count

kuweidoesarson: they pass the vibe check

softcowboy: ALL emojis pass the vibe check

kuweidoesarson: no they don’t

softcowboy: ok you’re right not the crying laughing emoji

kuweidoesarson: that one should lit rally be banned

“Jesper!” Colm called from outside the stables, and Jesper instinctively shoved his phone back in his pocket. “Are you done with the horses? I need your help with this.”

Jesper groaned, but he pulled out his phone again to send one last quick text.

softcowboy: sorry brb i gotta do dad work

kuweidoesarson: sorry am i distracting u >:)

softcowboy: no

softcowboy: a little

kuweidoesarson: then why did u bring ur phone along

Because he got bored? Because Jesper didn’t like to miss messages from Kuwei? 

softcowboy: shut up

Jesper put his phone away, gave one last pat to his favorite horse, and then left to join his father out on the farm, the sky lightening into blue as the early morning sun crept over the horizon. Honestly, this kind of work bored him to death, and he really didn’t love waking up obscenely early, but it had become his normal. Part of him really couldn’t picture himself in any other place. And with things like Kuwei to distract him, maybe monotonous work could be tolerable.

Jesper had known Kuwei for about four years now, since they were in middle school. Or, known as much as he could for a person he’d only talked to online, miles away in Shu Han. 

They’d met on a silly browser game, then moved onto social media when they drifted away from that. Jesper had been through a lot of phases with Kuwei, but somehow, no matter how much interest either of them lost in something, they never lost interest in each other. They’d bonded at first over their similar chaotic energy.

Jesper didn’t text Kuwei again until breakfast, fearful through the rest of his work that if he picked up his phone again, he may never put it down. He had shitty connection out on the farm anyways. Jesper always had to be doing something when he was eating meals; he didn’t know what it was, but if he wasn’t on his phone or super into his food some kind of itch forced him into walking around as he ate, which Colm complained made him nervous, so he chose to text Kuwei instead.

softcowboy: hi i am back and eating real food now

It only took a few minutes for Kuwei to respond.

kuweidoesarson: wb welcome to real nourishment. how does it feel to eat something that is not for horses

softcowboy: don’t diss horses like that!

kuweidoesarson: sorry sorry ik they r good

softcowboy: as you should.

“What are you doing?” Colm asked from the kitchen.

“Texting Kuwei,” Jesper responded, not looking up from his phone.

“ _Still_ with Kuwei?” Colm asked, and Jesper could just _hear_ the eyebrow raising in that judgemental remark. “I thought you were done with him by now.”

“No, Da,” Jesper sighed. “I’m not sure why you think he’s so bad. He helped me learn Shu, you know.”

“Helped you? I thought that was school.”

Jesper scoffed. “School doesn’t do jack shit.” Jesper had been… passable at Shu before he’d met Kuwei, but since his exposure to the internet, his experience in Shu had greatly improved, especially with his daily conversations with Kuwei. He’d picked up a fair good amount with interactions with customers, as Colm sold their jurda to all kinds of different people, and he’d chosen to take the language at school, but the internet and Kuwei had taught Jesper more than any books could. Shu had just been something he had associated with Kuwei now; neither of them had been any good at the other’s native languages, but part of the reason why they got along so well was actually their language barrier. Jesper and Kuwei switched between Zemeni constantly, picking up the slang and common phrases along the way. Jesper took pride in how well he’d taught Kuwei Zemeni swear words. He was a master.

“Language,” Colm scolded. “And just be careful, okay? People can be dangerous out there.”

“Yes, Da.”

kuweidoesarson: hey want to see my new shirt

softcowboy: sure

kuweidoesarson: lemon shirt

kuweidoesarson: Sent a photo

softcowboy: lemon shirt

Jesper’s stomach did a complicated flip.

Here was the thing: Jesper was most definitely kind of in love with Kuwei.

Well, he didn’t really know that. Jesper had never met Kuwei in real life before. He didn’t know exactly where he went to school or who his dad really was or what all of his house looked like.

Here was the other thing: Kuwei lived in Shu Han.

And Jesper wasn’t sure if he liked him back.

Which was usually pretty out of character for Jesper. Who _didn’t_ like him? Jesper knew he was drop-dead gorgeous. If people disagreed, well, then there was something wrong with them.

But he didn’t know, something about Kuwei made him nervous. Jesper couldn’t stop staring at that picture, the tiny hints of freckles on Kuwei’s cheeks, his lips curled into a smirk, the way the colors in that stupid shirt seemed to bring out the shimmering gold in his eyes. 

It was stupid, he knew. You couldn’t _truly_ fall in love with someone you only knew online. Colm had told him constantly that it wasn’t a _true_ friendship if you’d never talked to them in person. But Jesper knew how Kuwei thought, his mannerisms and the way he typed. He’d heard his voice before on calls. And he’d seen pictures of him too. Wasn’t that enough?

softcowboy: it looks so funky i love it

kuweidoesarson: ty

It had to be enough for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes that's my art of kuwei!! i struggled with adding pictures to ao3 that was confusing but i got it now lol


	2. Chapter 2

kuweidoesarson: hey jesper

softcowboy: what

Jesper was technically in math class, but he slid his phone under his desk anyways, careful not to get caught. Kuwei had switched to Zemeni for this conversation, which meant he probably had something important he wanted to tell Jesper.

kuweidoesarson: so uh

kuweidoesarson: ik ur in class but

softcowboy: you know i literally do not care

kuweidoesarson: fkjsdhfsjfh STILL

kuweidoesarson: i might be visiting novyi zem soon

Jesper’s knee banged the bottom of his desk as he jumped, earning him a few glances from his classmates. He grinned at them sheepishly before glancing back down at his phone as if nothing happened.

softcowboy: REALLY

softcowboy: HOW

softcowboy: WHEN

softcowboy: also where exactly we are not a tiny country

kuweidoesarson: i don’t really know yet but

kuweidoesarson: maybe soon

That was incredibly vague, but it made Jesper excited nonetheless. He wanted to keep talking about it, but he was sure his teacher was beginning to notice his suspicious behavior and Jesper didn’t get the chance to look at his phone much for the rest of the day.

Kuwei had changed the subject by the time he got home, and by then Jesper had almost forgotten all about it. Almost.

softcowboy: bro if we actually meet

softcowboy: omg

softcowboy: you’re shorter than me right

kuweidoesarson: how DARE u assume something like that

kuweidoesarson: yeah i probably am

softcowboy: wait how tall are you

kuweidoesarson: ,,,5’5

softcowboy: HAHA SHORT

kuweidoesarson: THAT’S NOT EVEN SHORT FUCK U

Jesper laughed, completely forgetting that he was supposed to be quiet as he lay in bed on his side, only the glow of his phone illuminating his face. This was one of his favorite times of the day, when he was finished with all of his responsibilities (or at least, had given up on them by then) and could just stay up all night talking to Kuwei, ignoring the fact that he would be exhausted the next day. But it would have been worth it.

softcowboy: but seriously if we meet it’ll be so chaotic

kuweidoesarson: would ur dad let u?

softcowboy: i could probably convince him

softcowboy: you?

kuweidoesarson: idk

kuweidoesarson: we’ll see

They would see.

\---

Jesper was sluggish when he got up early the next morning, and Colm took note of it. Jesper was used to this by now, though. He never regretted staying up late at night.

There wasn’t a greeting text from Kuwei for him in the morning, but Jesper didn’t really expect one. He went through his chores and farm work as normal, snapping a picture of his favorite horse before he left the stables.

softcowboy: he says hi

softcowboy: Sent a photo

By the time Jesper had finished his early morning chores, Kuwei still hadn’t seen his message, but that wasn’t exactly uncommon for him. Sometimes he got busy with unknown things that he didn’t disclose to Jesper. He’d see it eventually.

By lunch, Kuwei still hadn’t replied. Which still wasn’t completely uncommon, but now Jesper was beginning to wonder what exactly he was busy with.

sunshineleoni: Hey idiot

Leoni didn’t normally call people idiots. Most of the time she was regarded as a complete angel, someone who wouldn’t dream of calling others such names. Those were only reserved for her best friend, Jesper.

She was sitting on the other side of his math classroom, after their teacher had separated them after Jesper wouldn’t quit talking to her. He glanced up to shoot her a strange look. Leoni flashed him a bright smile.

softcowboy: what

sunshineleoni: Stop looking at your phone! We’re in class!

softcowboy: you’re literally-

sunshineleoni: I can afford to. I’d just wondering who you’re waiting on to text you back? Anything I can do to help?

How did she know?

softcowboy: i’m not

sunshineleoni: Are you sure?

softcowboy: ok yeah

sunshineleoni: Who is it? I’d love to meet them :)

softcowboy: i’m not dating anyone

softcowboy: seriously

sunshineleoni: Okay. Just wanted to make sure you’re alright.

By the time Jesper had gotten home from school, Kuwei still hadn’t said anything, let alone seen his message. It wasn’t that this hadn’t happened before. Jesper just hated when Kuwei disappeared without any notice at all. It worried him, especially because Kuwei was always vague about why. 

It reminded him of how much he really didn’t know his friend.

wafflewonder: What did you guys get for #6 on the physics hw

aerialinej: Look at page 420 of the book. It should be there

wafflewonder: No

softcowboy: saints idk

wafflewonder: You guys are no help

Jesper had nowhere near the amount of concentration to do his homework. His mind was still whirling about what could have happened to Kuwei; he felt strung up and anxious, and doing laps around the farm wasn’t helping.

wafflewonder: Fuck this. I’m not doing this right now

wafflewonder: You guys wanna play some among us or something

softcowboy: don’t really feel like it rn

aerialinej: You haven’t been feeling like anything lately. Everything okay?

Despite himself, Jesper smiled. Nina and Inej were exchange students from Ravka, and somehow Jesper’s unlikely friends. Inej, like Leoni, seemed to pick up on how he was feeling immediately.

softcowboy: idk i just

softcowboy: idk what’s going on with my friend

wafflewonder: Kuwei

aerialinej: Kuwei?

softcowboy: i

softcowboy: yes

wafflewonder: Knew it

softcowboy: i regret telling you about him

aerialinej: Hey, from what I’ve heard, I like him! But what’s he doing that’s got you so stressed?

softcowboy: he won’t reply to me

wafflewonder: Bruh

wafflewonder: He ghosted you again?

softcowboy: no no no it’s not ghosting

softcowboy: i don’t think

softcowboy: just disappeared off the face of the earth again

wafflewonder: You mean ghosted

Jesper didn’t think it was ghosting. Kuwei didn’t give him very thorough explanations, but he trusted him when he said that he was just busy or something came up with his family. Kuwei had told him he moved around a lot.

aerialinej: I trust Jesper. I’m sure it’s not ghosting

wafflewonder: Idk man seems sus

softcowboy: please get your mind out of among us for one second

wafflewonder: Kuwei is the impostor

Jesper snickered. Nina and Inej were definitely not any help. But it did help him keep his mind off the issue, even just for a little bit.

He did another lap around the farm, struggled through his homework, played a round of Among us with Nina and Inej and a bunch of strangers, then sat down for dinner with his da.

He tried not to keep checking his phone every two seconds to see if Kuwei replied.

If he was being honest, he did pretty good. He only checked it for one second before closing his eyes and going to bed.

But he didn’t sleep that well that night.

\---

wylanwoodwind: Hey do you know what happened to Kuwei

wylanwoodwind: He won’t answer my question

softcowboy: can you stop messaging me like i’m the expert on kuwei i don’t know where he is

Another day passed with no response from Kuwei. Nina, Inej, and Leoni tried to keep him distracted, but Jesper still thought about it in the back of his mind.

The next day, Jesper went to school. He knew Nina had just been joking, and she didn’t even know Kuwei like he did, but her comments from the other day had really bothered him. What if Kuwei really was ghosting him? What if he didn’t want to talk to him anymore?

He couldn’t at least give him a heads up that he was just going to stop talking all of a sudden.

It had only been a couple days. Jesper knew he should stop worrying.

But he didn’t.

In Shu class, Jesper’s phone buzzed. The fleeting moment of excitement that flared up immediately became extinguished when he opened his phone and saw it was a message from Wylan, not Kuwei. 

Jesper was already upset because he was in Shu class, a class he had chosen to take _because_ of Kuwei. He didn’t need this annoying little Kerch boy pestering him too. He wasn’t even that good at Shu.

wylanwoodwind: Okay I’m sorry for bothering you

wylanwoodwind: I know we don’t talk a whole lot but

wylanwoodwind: I just was wondering if you had any idea what happened to him because I know you guys are really good friends and I’m worried about him

softcowboy: i don’t know.

wylanwoodwind: Okay

wylanwoodwind: I miss him

wylanwoodwind: I hope he’s okay

Jesper felt his fiery mood deflate a little.

softcowboy: me too

Three days. Four days. A week.

softcowboy (to kuweidoesarson): To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Rick and Morty. The humor is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer's head. There's also Rick's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation - his personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realize that they're not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Rick and Morty truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Rick's existencial catchphrase "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Ravkan epic Fathers and Sons. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Dan Harmon's genius unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools... how I pity them. 😂 And yes by the way, I DO have a Rick and Morty tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- And even they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand.

softcowboy: According to all laws of aviation there is no way a bee

softcowboy: kuwei please respond

Two weeks.

wafflewonder: Ok jesper seriously you HAVE to let go of kuwei

aerialinej: I don’t know. I don’t want to make you let go of someone who’s important to you, but this can’t be good for your health.

softcowboy: guys i’m fine

Two and a half.

softcowboy: okay

softcowboy: you’re the only person i know who also knows kuwei

softcowboy: do you think he’s ghosting us?

wylanwoodwind: I’m sorry

wylanwoodwind: I don’t know what that word means

Ugh. Right. He wasn’t good at Shu.

softcowboy: when you intentionally don’t respond to someone for a while because you don’t want to talk to them for whatever reason

softcowboy: usually a shitty thing to do

wylanwoodwind: Was that a swear word

softcowboy: yes

wylanwoodwind: Oh cool thank you

softcowboy: no prob

softcowboy: so what do you think

wylanwoodwind: I don’t think he would do that

wylanwoodwind: And he’s also not posting anything on social media

That was true. And he hadn’t been online on any of the games Jesper played with him lately.

wylanwoodwind: He’s disappeared before why would he

wylanwoodwind: What’s the word

wylanwoodwind: Punish us like that

Also true, despite Wylan’s questionable Shu. Sometimes Jesper wondered if he sent messages with his voice.

softcowboy: yeah you’re right

softcowboy: idk i’m just

softcowboy: i really care about him.

Maybe he wouldn’t admit it to himself, but Jesper honestly preferred the thought of Kuwei intentionally ghosting him than him ever being in danger.

That was the horrible part of losing someone online. You never know what truly happened to them.

wylanwoodwind: So do I

\---

Hundreds of miles across the sea in Shu Han, Kuwei took one last look at his home.

It would be the last time he ever saw it.

\---

One month.

softcowboy (to kuweidoesarson): okay i know you’re probably never gonna see this

softcowboy: and i don’t know why i’m even doing this but

softcowboy: i think i like you.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idc anymore i'm so impatient i'm posting this anyways

“Kuwei. Get up.”

Kuwei startled awake to his father’s hands shaking him. He blinked about his pitch-black room groggily. “Wh… what is it?”

As his eyes adjusted to the dark, Kuwei made out Bo’s face contorted with urgency. “They found out about us. Pack up your stuff, now. We’re leaving.”

Kuwei bolted out of his bed immediately, heart racing. “Now? How—I thought—”

“I was too careless with my plans,” Bo sighed, running a hand through his slightly graying dark hair. “I left too many tracks. I was just so close… if I’d had more time…”

Kuwei’s heart leapt up into his throat. Selfishly, he asked, “Do they know we were planning on going to Novyi Zem?”

“No,” Bo said, and Kuwei felt relief wash over him. He knew it was stupid, but part of him hoped that if they moved to Novyi Zem, he’d run into someone important. “I’m pretty sure they still expect us to go to Ravka, or Kerch. I’m sorry, Kuwei. I thought we’d have more time to prepare. Pack up your things as quickly as you can. We need to be out of here in an hour.”

Kuwei packed as light as possible. To his disappointment, there was a lot in his room he’d have to leave behind, but he was used to that by now.

Kuwei eyed his father’s small bag as he joined him by the door. “That’s all you’re bringing?”

“We don’t have time to take it all.” He meant his supplies, his equipment for all his experiments. “I destroyed the most important parts of our projects. It should be enough that they won’t be able to piece together what we were making.”

Kuwei’s heart sank. That was years of work, hours spent toiling in the lab for any sign of hope. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I did. I can’t let them get their hands on what we’ve created. You know what we almost made.” Bo’s expression softened into a small smile as he pulled his son into a quick hug. “It’s okay, Kuwei. We can make it all over again in Novyi Zem. We’ll have all the time we need, and plenty more resources.”

In Novyi Zem. Kuwei would find hope there.

\---

sunshineleoni: Want to hang out today?

softcowboy: why

sunshineleoni: Why not? Come on, I know it’ll cheer you up. I think you need a little friend time right now :)

softcowboy: okay :)

\---

Leoni met Jesper downtown, sunny and cheerful as always. She’d already concocted a detailed plan of everything they were going to do today, and Jesper had absolutely no say in it. Not that he minded, anyways. Leoni was one of the few who could keep up with his endless energy.

“Come on,” she said, grabbing his hand as she led him through the square. “No looking at your phone today. It’s just you and me.”

“Okay,” Jesper laughed, slipping his phone into his pocket, forgotten.

The streets were crowded and bustling with people today, but neither Jesper nor Leoni minded. The vivid colors of Zemeni clothing and the sheer amount of different kinds of people out under the warm sun reminded Jesper of how much he loved his country, his town. He didn’t think he’d ever want to leave.

They went and got lunch at their favorite spot, ordering exorbitant amounts of food that they promptly demolished. Leoni still couldn’t top Jesper’s record in their eating contests, but she got close.

Jesper thought about pulling out his phone a couple times, but he resisted the urge. After a couple hours in, he had forgotten all about it. Leoni tended to have that effect on people.

They went in a bunch of different shops and tried on different clothing. Jesper looked for the brightest, most obnoxious items he could find, which luckily were hardly in short supply. Zemeni zowa were known for the bright colors they could extract from anything and weave into their clothing. Leoni herself was pretty good at it, and she’d given Jesper plenty of her favorite projects that he still wore with pride.

He bought Leoni a beautiful yellow dress that she had been admiring, and they went on their way.

They passed a Shu restaurant that Leoni ignored, but seeing it was like a kick in the gut for Jesper. He pretended not to notice it as they continued on their way, but Leoni was definitely eyeing him with concern.

Their last stop of the day was a farmer’s market. Leoni was interested in the little shops, so he followed her around as they marveled at shining jewelry and candy and fruits and jurda products.

Then, as Leoni was chatting with one of the cashiers, Jesper’s eyes caught on a familiar shirt with lemon print among the crowd of customers.

_Huh,_ he thought. _Someone has the same shirt as Kuwei._ Another familiar kick to the gut. No matter how much he wanted to forget about him, little things continued to keep reminding him.

Jesper wanted to pull his eyes away, but somehow he couldn’t help but keep looking back at the figure in the shirt. They turned, and Jesper saw dark hair and olive skin and golden eyes.

Jesper’s heart nearly stopped.

_No. No way._ His mind was probably just playing tricks on him; he’d been thinking about Kuwei nonstop all month, as much as he wanted to forget him. He couldn’t be _here._

But then the figure locked eyes with him, and Jesper knew it was unmistakable.

“Jesper?” he asked, and then Jesper was pushing past people without even bothering to apologize or think about the consequences, his heart racing.

“Kuwei,” Jesper breathed, just to confirm that who was in front of him was actually real. Instinctively, he switched to Shu, though when he spoke it aloud, his accent felt a lot more prominent. “It’s really you.”

Jesper couldn’t remember who initiated it, but suddenly they were hugging, and Saints they were _touching he was touching Kuwei he was real._

“I can’t—how are you here, how did you _know_ I was here?” Jesper asked as they pulled away. Novyi Zem was so big. It wasn’t a small statement to say that you were just visiting. Was your destination in the Weddle area up north, or farther south in Eames Chin? Interacting with others on the internet had been so jarring to Jesper at first whenever he brought up Novyi Zem—people always assumed it was all the same, but his country was _huge._ It was full of so many diverse and different people. To act like it was just one place with one kind of people felt completely wrong to Jesper, almost offensive.

“You kinda… gave me enough hints, and I put two and two together,” Kuwei said sheepishly. Saints, it was so strange to see him in the flesh like this. It was one thing to see pictures of Kuwei and videocall with him, and another to see him living and breathing in 3D like this. Jesper couldn’t explain the amount of euphoria he got from simply seeing his friend in front of him.

“I can’t believe this. I can’t believe you’re here,” Jesper said giddily, but then his face fell. This felt too good to be true. “Where have you been? You just completely disappeared off the face of the earth, I thought you were...”

Kuwei looked down at the ground. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t, um… I couldn’t use my phone for a while.”

“Why not?” Jesper tried not to let the frustration seep into his voice; he was so glad Kuwei was here, but he wanted answers.

“My dad didn’t uh, let me.” Kuwei met his eyes again, face contorted with guilt. “I’m sorry. I know I disappear without notice like this a lot. I didn’t expect it to be this long. I’m really sorry if I ever hurt you.” With a pang, Jesper realized he’d switched to Zemeni for him. It sounded so different from how he texted him in the language. Not that it was bad in the slightest. Kuwei had an accent, too, 

Still, Jesper was pretty sure that wasn’t the full truth. “I was worried you’d forgotten about me or something,” he admitted with a little huff of a laugh, but it didn’t come out as jokingly as he’d hoped. Everything Nina had said about ghosting had kind of gotten to him. For a while, he’d really thought that maybe Kuwei didn’t want to talk to him.

Kuwei winced. “I didn’t. I wanted to talk to you every day. I’d never… I swear I don’t ignore you on purpose.”

“I’m sorry, dude, it was just… a month. A whole month of not talking to me,” Jesper said helplessly. All those hours spent checking his phone, wondering what had happened to his friend.

“I know,” Kuwei said miserably. “Please know I didn’t mean for this to happen. I missed you. That’s why I wanted to find you.”

Maybe Jesper softened too easily, but that just about _melted_ his heart. He couldn’t stay mad at Kuwei, not when he was _right here_ in his town with all his golden-eyed glory. “It’s fine. I’m just glad you’re not dead,” he mumbled, and then he couldn’t stop the smile that was spreading across his face. “I’m glad you’re _here._ ”

Kuwei gave a little smile, and _Saints_ that lit up Jesper’s entire world. He was pretty sure he was going to be surprised at every single thing that he did today.

“Jesper,” Leoni called from behind him, and with a start Jesper remembered he had come here with someone. “There you are. I was wondering… oh, hello there.”

“Kuwei, this is my cousin, Leoni,” Jesper explained, and Leoni beamed.

“Kind of cousins. More like very close family friends,” Leoni clarified, and she reached out to shake Kuwei’s hand. “Kuwei, right? It’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you,” she said with a smirk.

“You have?” Kuwei asked, surprised, and Jesper avoided the look he was trying to give him. 

“Yes, lots!” Leoni gushed, and Jesper tried to hide his embarrassment. He didn’t need Kuwei to know how much he obsessed over him sometimes. Seeing random little things and thinking of him, bringing him up in every conversation. “Lovely of you to come all the way here from Shu Han.”

“Thanks.”

“Anyways,” Leoni said, shooting Jesper a knowing little smile that made him want to punch her, “I just realized I oughta be home by now. You two have fun. Thanks for the dress, Jesper!” And then she patted him on the shoulder and left.

Jesper felt dazed as he watched her leave. He couldn’t believe this was happening.

“Anyways, um,” he began awkwardly, turning to look at Kuwei. “What do you want to do? Wanna hang out? Want to eat? We could eat. I just ate, but I could totally eat again.” They could do anything. They could just sit here and talk. Jesper was fine with anything.

Kuwei didn’t look like he was sure. “Um… well, what are your favorite things to do around here?”

Jesper grinned. He’d been waiting years for Kuwei to ask him that question. “I’ll show you.”

Jesper took him to every place that entered his mind, including some of the places that he and Leoni had just hit earlier. He gave excited explanations of every little detail about his town, and pointed out things that they both giggled over. Jesper had been out for hours by now, and he should have been tired of frequenting the same places over and over again, but seeing Kuwei’s completely new reactions to everything made it seem wonderful all over again. It was interesting to see qualities that Kuwei had always shown over text, and other little antics that Jesper had never seen before. There was something completely different about seeing a fully fleshed Kuwei in front of him, but also familiar, like he’d always known this boy after all.

They got street food as the sun was going down, piping hot fried creations that Jesper was eager to have Kuwei try. It all felt like some lovely rollercoaster of a dream, and Jesper couldn’t remember the last time he’d had such a wonderful day as this one.

“I still can’t believe you were wearing that lemon shirt,” Jesper said as they walked, dazed, down the streets beginning to be lit by artificial light as the sky darkened. “I don’t think I would have known it was you without it.”

“I wore it for a reason,” Kuwei said with a shrug. “Only I can pull it off.” The two of them laughed, just as they always had. Sometimes Jesper felt like this boy in front of him was completely unfamiliar to him, and then he’d make a joke and suddenly it was all the same as before.

“It is an iconic shirt,” Jesper agreed. “Hey, did you ever read the stuff I sent you while you were gone?”

“No, I never got the chance,” Kuwei admitted. “Why?”

“Oh. No reason.”

They walked in silence for a few more moments. Jesper could feel himself tiring, but he was willing to keep going for Kuwei. He wouldn’t miss a moment of this for the world.

“Okay,” Kuwei said, as they reached a corner, his steps slowing. He looked hesitant. “I think… I gotta go. My dad’s gonna want me back.”

Jesper almost wanted to plead with him to stay. He felt like if he blinked, or let Kuwei out of his sight, then he’d lose him again and this dream would be over.

But that made sense. It was getting dark, and they’d been out for a while, and Kuwei was in an unfamiliar country, and he had a father who missed him. “Of course,” he said quietly. “How long are you gonna be here, anyway? This is a… business trip?” He wasn’t sure if he remembered.

Kuwei nodded. “Something like that. It’s for my father’s work,” he explained. “I’m… not exactly sure how long we’re gonna be here, actually.”

“Oh.” Then maybe they should try to make the most of this time. “Want to maybe meet up here again tomorrow at the same time? If you’re not busy.” He didn’t want to sound clingy, but he felt clingy.

To Jesper’s relief, Kuwei smiled. “Sure.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

They stood there for a moment, leaving Jesper wondering what he was supposed to do next.

“You’ll still be here, right?” Jesper blurted.

“Yeah. I will.” Kuwei lifted his hand as if he were going to give him a little wave. “This was… really fun. Thank you. Um, bye.”

“Bye,” Jesper said softly, waving back at him.

He watched as Kuwei disappeared into the night.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for some reason the last chapters of my multi-chaptered fics always end up being the longest and the ones i spend the MOST time on. apologies for the delay on this one, i became obsessed with the magnus archives between writing this and idk if you could tell but i only had the motivation to write... other things. still, i had a lot of fun writing this chapter near the end! thanks for sticking with me this far!

So Novyi Zem was great.

Kuwei couldn’t be happier that he was here. There was something so _different_ about the atmosphere compared to Shu Han that made Kuwei feel immediately content, like he felt just as sunshiney on the inside as the weather looked on the outside. The sky was so brilliantly blue, and maybe that along with the constant scent of jurda flowers in the air was lifting his spirits every day. 

The people were all so different, too. This country didn’t seem like a place that lived in fear. Kuwei loved Shu Han, and he missed it with an ache in his heart every day, but everyone in Novyi Zem felt like a friend. Strangers _smiled_ at him. Said hello, greeted him cheerily even though Kuwei was just a skinny Shu boy with accented Zemeni. He’d received a hug from Jesper the moment he’d met him. Kuwei couldn’t remember the last time he’d hugged someone other than his father.

Jesper was magnificent. It wasn’t that Kuwei hadn’t seen his face before, and they had talked about height before Kuwei had to leave the internet, but he still hadn’t expected his friend to be so _tall._ And so full of energy and smiles. Being with Jesper almost felt exhausting, but also addicting, a kind of high that made Kuwei feel breathless afterwards.

The next day they hung out was less of a rollercoaster of emotions, thankfully. Kuwei was pretty sure Jesper had gotten all of his questions out yesterday, to his relief. He hated lying to his friend again, but there were still some things he wasn’t ready to tell him yet.

But he wasn’t leaving him again, Kuwei knew that for sure. He’d seen the pain in Jesper’s eyes the day before when he’d asked Kuwei whether he was still going to be here tomorrow. After how long it had taken to find Jesper, Kuwei was determined to keep him as long as possible.

Their day spent together was a lot more laid-back than the one before. Jesper showed Kuwei some more places he hadn’t gotten the chance to show him before, and they wandered the streets talking about nothing at all.

After a few hours in, though, Jesper’s phone rang. He listened to it for a few minutes before saying, “Okay. Sorry, Da, I’ll be home soon,” and then hanging up.

“What was that?” Kuwei asked.

“It’s my dad,” Jesper sighed, and it looked like it pained him to say this. “I forgot I have school tomorrow. There’s homework I’ve kind of neglected,” he said sheepishly. “I’ve probably gotta go soon.”

“Oh,” Kuwei said, and he felt almost shocked back into reality. He had forgotten, foolishly, that Jesper had a life outside of this. Kuwei almost felt jealous. He’d been homeschooled all his life; going to a real school felt like a dream.

“It’s alright, though,” Jesper reassured him. “I had fun today. Tell you what—I was thinking, um… would you wanna come over to my house tomorrow after school? We could meet up here, and I could pick you up...”

“Really?” 

“Not that you have to, of course, I mean, I get if you’re not comfortable with that,” Jesper said quickly.

“No, no, I want to,” Kuwei said hurriedly. He really wanted to, more than anything. “Just… _you’re_ okay with that?”

“Sure.” Jesper shrugged. “I trust you. And Da… I mean, once he sees that you’re a real person, I’m sure he’ll be okay with it.”

Kuwei laughed. “He thought I wasn’t a real person?”

“No, he’s just weird about online friends. You know. Catfishing, and all that.”

“Oh. Well, I’m pretty sure that I’m real.”

Jesper grinned. “Me too.”

\---

Kuwei’s heart was racing as he waited for Jesper the next day. He’d come a little early than needed, just to be ready, but now he was worried he’d seem too eager.

That didn’t end up being much of a problem, though. Jesper pulled up almost ten minutes late in a dirty pickup truck with music blaring through the speakers.

“Kuwei! Get in!” he shouted over the music, a huge grin on his face.

Chuckling softly to himself, Kuwei slid into the passenger seat, feeling a little self-conscious of the attention they might be drawing to themselves. But Jesper didn’t seem to mind. He was dressed in an obnoxious green and orange shirt that Kuwei would have been terrified to wear in public, but it looked nice on him. His fingers drummed against the steering wheel excitedly.

“Hey, I recognize this song,” Kuwei realized as Jesper started driving. He hummed along to the Zemeni words through the speakers, something about jurda and… he was sure that was not appropriate.

“I think I sent you this once,” Jesper agreed between mouthing the lyrics. “It’s a banger.”

“Yes.”

Kuwei tried not to stare at Jesper the rest of the drive. Every time a new song would come on, he would declare it was his favorite, and seemed to know every word. Kuwei didn’t recognize any others, but he appreciated Jesper’s music taste. It suited him somehow.

As they began to near Jesper’s house, Kuwei managed to rip his gaze away from him to stare out the window. Rolling orange fields of jurda flowers stared back at him, contrasting beautifully with the impossibly blue sky above them.

“We’re here!” Jesper announced as the music stopped abruptly. Kuwei found himself looking at a small, but cozy-looking farmhouse atop a hill amidst acres of jurda fields. He couldn’t help but imagine Jesper growing up here on this quiet farm where the sun could easily reach him. Kuwei felt a little pang of jealousy; he’d never had a place to truly call home for longer than a year. But this place felt safe.

A stocky man with ginger hair and freckles across his cheeks stepped out to greet them. At first glance he looked nothing like Jesper, but when Kuwei observed him closely he realized they both shared the same stormy grey eyes.

“Da!” Jesper exclaimed, leading Kuwei up to the porch excitedly. “This is Kuwei. My friend from Shu Han; I told you about him.”

A question flickered across Jesper’s father’s gaze.

“Hello, um.” Kuwei greeted him nervously in what he hoped sounded like good Zemeni. “Mr. Fahey?”

A smile broke out across the man’s craggy features, and Kuwei felt relieved. “Yes. But you can just call me Colm,” he said warmly, holding out a hand for Kuwei to shake.

Kuwei took it, trying to ignore Jesper’s huge smile out of the corner of his eye.

“Were you worried he couldn’t speak Zemeni?” Jesper teased. His hands were flapping a little. “Kuwei is great.”

“He is,” Colm agreed. “It’s good to meet you in person, Kuwei.” It sounded like a warm remark, but there was firmness in his expression. Kuwei remembered what Jesper had said the day before. _He’s just weird about online friends. You know. Catfishing, and all that._

“It’s good to meet you in person, too, Colm.” Kuwei said with a smile. Jesper didn’t seem to understand the jab, but Colm’s eyes widened a bit in surprise. 

Jesper seemed satisfied by this interaction. “Okay, cool. Now can I give you a tour?” he asked excitedly, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

Kuwei wouldn’t have wanted anything more. “Sure.”

Jesper took his hand, and Kuwei’s stomach fluttered. But instead of leading him inside like Kuwei had expected him to, Jesper took off into the fields of jurda, down to the barns. 

Kuwei practically had to run to keep up with Jesper, but maybe it was jurda particles beginning to get to him, because he felt strangely invigorated as they raced across the farm. Kuwei felt an excited laugh bubble up his throat.

“We don’t have a lot of animals here, because we grow mostly jurda,” Jesper explained, “but we do have horses.” He led him into a stable smelling faintly of hay, and once they were inside, Jesper seemed to visibly relax, the energy crackling inside him fading into something softer. His steps were lighter and more careful in here, as if he was worried he’d spook one of the animals.

“Oh, I know this one,” Kuwei said, moving over to a friendly-looking brown and white spotted horse. He’d seen the creature in plenty of photos from Jesper. Somehow he couldn’t help but be fascinated by what was in front of him, the realization that this was another element of Jesper’s life, something he’d only known of from pictures, but was now seeing the real thing.

“You can pet him, he won’t bite,” Jesper reassured Kuwei, obviously realizing how badly that he wanted to touch the creature. Kuwei had never been this close to a horse before. He didn’t know why, but he didn’t expect them to be so _large._ “Just try not to make any sudden movements.”

Tentatively, Kuwei reached a hand out to the horse’s nose. It was velvety soft, and he could feel his warm breath underneath his hand.

“Yeah, like that,” Jesper said in a soft tone that Kuwei had never heard before as he stroked the horse’s mane. “That’s a good boy.”

“You don’t take pictures of your other horses,” Kuwei observed, walking down to look at the others, a large horse with reddish-brown fur and a shier looking one with deep black fur.

“He’s—the most photogenic,” Jesper sputtered, but it sounded like blatant favoritism to Kuwei. Not that he really blamed him. He was sure each family member likely latched onto a horse.

“What are their names?” Kuwei asked, stopping next to the stall with the dark colored horse.

“That one is named Majesty,” Jesper said, gesturing to the horse Kuwei was looking at. “Da rides her a lot. And the red one is called Swift.”

“What’s your horse called?” Kuwei asked, glancing over to the brown and white spotted horse that Jesper was still stroking. 

Jesper looked away, fidgeting with the ends of his clothes, and he looked as if he was regretting showing Kuwei the horses. He mumbled something.

“What?” Kuwei wasn’t sure he understood the Zemeni word.

“It’s, uh—Spotty,” Jesper said in Shu. “Stop laughing!”

Kuwei couldn’t help himself. It just sounded like such a silly name for such a beautiful horse. “Why Spotty?”

“I was six, okay? Da made the mistake of letting me name some of our pets,” Jesper explained.

“That makes sense,” Kuwei agreed, though he couldn’t stop thinking of the image of little six-year-old Jesper naming his favorite horse. Again, he felt that longing for what kind of wonderful life he imagined Jesper might have had. It wasn’t just jealousy, though—more like relief. He wouldn’t want Jesper to live anywhere else.

“How long did you say you were going to be here again?” Jesper asked, as he was closing the doors to the stable.

Kuwei’s heart seized up in fear. He’d led Jesper to believe that he would eventually be leaving. It wasn’t like Kuwei could just go somewhere else. They’d run into each other again eventually.

It was just a simple question. But Kuwei wasn’t sure he could keep this secret any longer, not when Jesper was looking at him like _that._ With that expectancy in his eyes, and careful fear of being let down.

It would hurt him if he lied again.

“I, um…” Kuwei began, and he struggled to meet Jesper’s eyes. “I’m not leaving.”

Jesper blinked. “You’re not?” Kuwei just looked at him, and Jesper’s face absolutely _lit up_ , something so adorable that it only served to make Kuwei even more nervous. “Saints—you’re gonna stay here? You’re _living here?_ ”

“Yeah,” Kuwei said softly.

Jesper’s delighted expression slipped a little. “But… why? I thought you were just here on a business trip… don’t you have stuff at home?”

Kuwei cringed. This was the worst part, the part where he was sure that Jesper was going to hate him and turn away and never look back because that was what he deserved. “I didn’t. I never was. I—I lied to you, Jesper.”

Jesper didn’t answer for a moment. Kuwei didn’t want to look at him, he knew he shouldn’t, but he stole a glance anyways. His face was all scrunched up in a frown. He looked… conflicted.

“Why did you feel like you had to lie to me?” he asked softly.

Kuwei felt his heart tighten a little. “I didn’t want to. Please know, I didn’t want to—”

“Then why?” Kuwei hated how he sounded. Jesper was rarely angry, certainly not with him, and that eerie tone in his voice made Kuwei’s stomach drop. It felt _wrong._ “I tried to give you another chance. I was too happy to have you here, but it _hurt_ . All those weeks of not knowing what happened to you—I thought you didn’t like me. I thought you were _dead_ —”

“I wasn’t,” Kuwei insisted. “None of those things. I never wanted you to feel that way, Jesper, and I’m… so sorry.”

Kuwei knew he had to tell him everything. It was the least that he could do, provide Jesper an explanation for all of the secrecy.

He took a deep breath.

“You know I move all the time,” Kuwei began, and Jesper nodded slowly. “It’s not… well, I suppose it is… it’s not for business reasons, not really. You see, my father and I have kind of been, uh, hiding from the government?”

Jesper blinked, and Kuwei could tell from his expression that that was not at all what he had been expecting. “Oh. Kuwei, I’m—”

“It’s fine,” Kuwei said hurriedly. “My father is a scientist. He used to work for the government, actually…” He stifled a shudder at the thought. Kuwei always felt a little ill thinking of the experiments the Shu government did on Grisha, on people like his father.

People like him.

This was so hard. Kuwei had never spilled this much personal information about himself, and yet it still only scratched the surface. Talking about it all made him feel… vulnerable, but also somewhat freeing. Like he was opening the door of his own home to Jesper. He wanted him to be there, though it scared him shitless.

“Anyways. It’s a whole lot of confusing details, but… we had to leave. Novyi Zem had seemed like the safest option, and plus, it was convenient.” 

Jurda parem had been one of the most terrifying things that Kuwei and his father had ever created. Its ability to amplify Grisha power had taken them both aback, along with the crippling addiction that came with taking it. The two of them knew that revealing it to the rest of the world would throw everything into chaos. It had to be kept secret. Bo had hoped that in traveling to Novyi Zem, a country known for its abundance of jurda flowers and knowledge of said plants, maybe they would have better chances of creating something with less… detrimental consequences.

“My father and I have been experimenting with jurda for almost a year now. We’ve been working almost my entire life to create something to… to…”

This was the hard part. Even around his father, Kuwei rarely said the words aloud. Even admitting it to himself felt like too much of a risk.

Jesper looked at him expectantly.

“To hide my father’s Grisha power. And… mine,” Kuwei said softly.

He waited for Jesper to say… something. He really didn’t know what he was expecting. Maybe shock, or fear. Kuwei had never had anyone to confess this to. How _did_ you react to crazy witch powers that could be exploited for military gain?

If Kuwei concentrated hard enough, he could create a spark between his fingers. Feel the heat glow within his hands, or make a fire burn with more strength. Kuwei had never received any training for it, not even from his father. Bo didn’t work with fire like he did; he specialized in manipulating chemicals, materials, and couldn’t even begin to understand the power that Kuwei possessed. But he did teach Kuwei to keep his flame of power burning low: small enough to go unnoticed, but enough to keep him alive. 

“You’re zowa?” Kuwei’s head snapped up to look up at Jesper in fear. To his shock, his friend looked almost… happy. “Kuwei, you didn’t have to keep that from me, you know. Because I, well… I have the gift too.”

What.

Kuwei felt like his mind was whirling. “You—wh— _zowa?”_ he sputtered, testing out the foreign word on his tongue. _Blessed._ Of course; that was what the Zemeni called Grisha.

“Zowa, Grisha, gifted, whatever,” Jesper said, waving the terms off as if they were just words. “Kuwei, we don’t care here. I’m not gonna kill you. Or experiment on you. Or send you off to war. Or make you a slave. Saints, people are shitty there, aren’t they?”

“But they’re not,” Kuwei protested. “I… I know I make the Shu government out to look like some kind of horrific thing. But that’s different from who _we_ are. We’re not all crazy scientists, or officials who just want to take advantage of others. We’re people. And plenty of us are Grisha, or zowa, or—whatever, too.”

“Kuwei, of course that’s not what I meant—”

“No, no, I know,” Kuwei reassured him. Jesper wasn’t supposed to be the one apologizing here. “I just need you to understand that when I say these things, know that my country isn’t… the one at fault here. Not my whole country. Not everyone there.”

Even with all its faults, Kuwei loved Shu Han. It was still his home, after all. Maybe someday he could show it to Jesper like he showed him Novyi Zem.

Jesper was looking at him with… almost pity in his eyes. It made Kuwei squirm a little inside; almost like he didn’t deserve the pity. He’d accepted all this, of course, had known it his whole life. But it was strange for someone else to look at it in this way.

“I guess I am kind of lucky to be here, huh,” he said, fiddling awkwardly with the collar of his shirt. “Kuwei, I… I’m still kind of hurt. I wish you could have at least explained a little bit to me. But I understand why you did all that. Thank you. For telling me.”

“You deserved to know,” Kuwei mumbled. After everything.

Jesper grinned, and oh, was it a relief to see that back again. “I’m glad I know. Saints, I didn’t know you were _zowa,_ Kuwei, that’s amazing!”

_Amazing._ Kuwei turned the word over and over in his head. He’d been told all his life to hide his power, hell, almost be _ashamed_ of it. Hearing _Jesper Fahey_ call it _amazing_ felt like the world was turning upside down.

Oh, Saints. Kuwei’s eyes were stinging.

“Kuwei? You alright?”

Kuwei blinked tears away. Not in front of _Jesper,_ he’d never let him forget that. “Yes. S-sorry, it’s just—I’m not used to hearing that.”

Jesper cast him a sympathetic look. “Can I show you something?”

\---

A grave was not what Kuwei was expecting.

Standing at the base of a cherry tree, pink blossoms dotting its branches, Kuwei watched as Jesper laid a couple flowers he’d picked on the way there beside it, a simple headstone labeled in Zemeni.

_Aditi Hilli._

_She never let fear be her guide in her life._

“Kuwei, this is my ma. Ma, I think I’ve told you a little about Kuwei. He’s nice,” Jesper said softly, with a smile over at Kuwei that made his heart skip a little. “He’s—really funny. I think you’d like him.”

_So he lost his mother too._ Kuwei could vaguely remember Jesper mentioning it once. _It’s just me and Da on the farm now._ It must have been a while ago. 

“...Hello,” Kuwei said awkwardly.

Kuwei’s mother had been Grisha, too. An Inferni, like him. She’d died in an accident shortly after Kuwei had been born. Kuwei hardly remembered anything about her, and Bo didn’t like to talk much about it.

He couldn’t imagine what that could have been like for Jesper.

“You remember my cousin Leoni?” Jesper asked, and Kuwei nodded, recalling the smiling girl with the long braids who had teased Jesper the first time they had met. “My ma saved her life, when I was seven years old. She’d been poisoned. And—Ma was able to save her, but it killed her in the process.”

His voice sounded so casual, but Jesper was still staring down at the ground at those flowers he’d picked.

“I’m sorry,” Kuwei said softly.

“It’s alright.” Jesper looked back up at him with a sad smile. “Leoni wouldn’t be here without her, and I’m grateful for that at least. But I had to hide my gift, too, for a while.”

“Really?” 

“Ma was gifted. But my Da, well… he’s from the Wandering Isle, and you know, the people there have a lot of superstitions about us zowa. He never did anything to harm my ma, but after she died… he wasn’t the same.”

The wind began to pick up a little, rustling the cherry branches with a gentle breeze that filled their silence. Small pink petals rained down on the ground beside them.

“He didn’t—he was just looking out for me,” Jesper said hurriedly. “But he told me that gift… was what killed her, in the end. And that I couldn’t use it in front of anyone, not ever.”

“Oh,” Kuwei said softly. There were a million more things he wanted to say, but he couldn’t make his mouth move, because all of a sudden he felt so overwhelmed with emotion welling up inside him that he was sure he might cry, like a river about to overflow. Because that was exactly what his father had told _him._

“It’s not that it affected me all that much. I never got sick, actually, even though you’re supposed to when you don’t use your gift for too long. Mostly I just had too much energy, and I don’t think Da really knew what to do with me.” He chuckled softly. “Only Ma knew how to handle me.”

Kuwei had gotten sick, plenty of times when he was living in Shu Han with his father. It wasn’t like the typical kind of sick, though; Kuwei had never experienced fevers, or colds, or anything of that sort. It was the kind of sickness that you tended to forget was sickness. Kuwei remembered weeks of feeling like he never had enough energy for everyday things, feeling grey, unable to eat more than a few bites of each meal. He’d lived most of his life phasing in and out of sickness until he could remember that he needed to use his power, or gift, as Jesper had called it. Most of the time, though, he was too terrified to even consider using it.

“It just—it _hurt,_ you know?” And there, right there, Kuwei heard Jesper’s voice break. “I felt like I was walking on eggshells around him for so long. I felt… For a while, I even felt a little like I was to blame for Ma dying,” he admitted.

“You weren’t,” Kuwei said, and that at least he could know for sure. Kuwei knew that when his father saw him produce sparks out of nothing or make a flame burn brighter than before, he saw his mother, he saw whatever gruesome death she had endured, but Bo had never blamed Kuwei for what had happened. Perhaps it was because he had been too young to even understand it. Perhaps Bo was just different. He’d made it clear that Kuwei had to hide his gift for his own safety, but then, that was exactly what Colm had told Jesper, too.

Jesper took a deep breath. “I know,” he said finally, and to Kuwei’s relief, he could see that familiar happiness beginning to return to Jesper’s voice. “Da’s better now. You know, it was actually Leoni and her family that helped him come around. I ended up being surrounded with plenty of people who could help my gift grow into what it is now.” He smiled.

Reaching a slender arm up into a place among the cherry tree’s branches that Kuwei couldn’t possibly reach, Jesper plucked a small pink bud that hadn’t seemed to bloom among the rest of the flowers. With a flick of his fingers, its petals opened, and Jesper placed the finished flower into Kuwei’s hands.

“We could teach you, too,” he said softly, grey eyes finally meeting his. “If you wanted.”

Kuwei swore Jesper could hear his heart thudding, they were so close. “Are you sure? Even after… everything?”

“That’s what you needed, wasn’t it? Just some zowa to be around. We have that here, Kuwei. You’re safe.”

_Safe._ What a wonderful word. Kuwei could feel those tears welling up in his eyes again, and this time, he let them come. He’d spent his whole life not feeling safe, and maybe here, now, with Jesper… maybe finally, he was.

Then suddenly they were hugging, and Kuwei did feel safe, safe in Jesper’s arms, safe where no one could see him except the blossoms on the cherry tree and the rolling fields of jurda behind them. “Thank you,” Kuwei whispered as he held onto Jesper’s shaking shoulders with everything he had. “Thank you. I’m sorry, for everything.”

They stood like that for a while, listening to the wind blow past the farm, past the two of them standing so small in their little corner of the world. 

Eventually, they pulled away, both wiping away tears they weren’t going to talk about. Jesper’s energy seemed to return all at once. “Come on, there’s still a lot more I’ve gotta show you.”

Kuwei took his hand.

Jesper didn’t end up showing him a lot, actually. They ran through the fields with a newfound lightness that Kuwei hadn’t felt in a long time. He laughed loudly and obnoxiously, the way he never had the courage to do before. 

Jesper showed Kuwei how he could leach color from the normally bright orange jurda flowers that covered the farm, scarlet pigment sapping from the petals and fading to a soft white. Absently, Kuwei wondered what Jesper took with that color. Did a jurda flower lose its energizing effect, too, when it lost its color, or was it purely cosmetic? What could that mean for his and his father’s research?

Jesper didn’t seem to see this little trick as anything particularly useful, though. He told Kuwei to close his eyes, and when he opened them, he found that Jesper had bleached a Shu word in the flowers they were standing in.

_PENIS._

It was one of the first words Kuwei had taught him in Shu.

Kuwei snorted. He couldn’t help himself. “You’re a child,” he said between breathless giggles, as if he wouldn’t have done the exact same thing himself if he had the chance. “I can’t believe you.”

“I’ve never done one in Shu before,” Jesper said proudly, though there was laughter edging his words too. His grey eyes were sparkling in a way that Kuwei had never seen before; he realized, suddenly, that this was what Jesper looked like when he used his power.

“I’m going to torch this entire farm,” Kuwei muttered.

“I mean, I’d really rather you not,” Jesper said, “but if it’ll get you to use your gift…”

Feeling daring all of a sudden, Kuwei picked one of the jurda flowers that hadn’t been rudely leached of their color, feeling the stem between his fingers. He was in a good mood. Maybe if he…

He felt the stem grow warm between his fingers, then hot, then almost uncomfortably so. It began to smoke, and then, when it felt almost unbearable to keep in his hands any longer, the flower fell apart in his hands and dropped to the ground in a glowing heap.

“ _Hell_ yeah!” Jesper exclaimed, clapping excitedly like Kuwei had just put on some kind of show.

“I think I burned my hand a little,” Kuwei said sheepishly, flicking the heat from his fingers. “Sorry. I can’t really do much.” It was sloppy work, and Kuwei was painfully aware of the sweat dripping from his forehead. Even something simple like that had taken a lot out of him. What a sad excuse for an Inferni he was, someone who couldn’t even produce a flame.

“It was _something!_ ” Jesper said encouragingly, picking up the blackened flower off the ground. “Look at that. You did that! That was your gift!”

“I guess it was,” Kuwei said with a smile, and looking at the flower and holding it in Jesper’s hands, he supposed he _was_ a little proud. He hadn’t felt this energized in ages. Saints, Kuwei realized, he’d never be sick again. He felt like he could do anything. He could…

Jesper was looking at him with such raw excitement in his eyes, a wholesome expression that Kuwei wasn’t sure he really deserved. He wasn’t sure any of this was even real. Maybe it was the jurda getting to him, maybe he just couldn’t register all this happiness coming at him, but Kuwei wanted to pinch himself, he was sure this was all a dream.

But if he was dreaming, then his fingers wouldn’t be burning right now. Kuwei held the burned flower and Jesper’s hands in his, and then, before he could lose his nerve, he kissed him.

Definitely a dream. Never in a million years would Kuwei have even dreamed of doing something like this.

The flower tumbled out of their hands, and Jesper kissed him back. Unlike Kuwei, he seemed to know exactly what he was doing. 

Breathlessly, they pulled away.

_I kissed Jesper I kissed Jesper oh Saints I just kissed my best friend._

“Well,” Jesper said.

“Sorry.”

“No. No, don’t be,” Jesper said hurriedly, and to Kuwei’s shock, he realized he was _laughing._ “It’s just—I’d been wanting to do that for a _long time._ ”

“I—you _what?_ ”

“You _beat me!_ You beat me, Kuwei, you bastard,” Jesper laughed, and Kuwei found himself laughing with him.

“I don’t know what came over me! I just—I dunno, you looked so kissable.”

“I tend to have that effect,” Jesper said smugly, which only made them laugh harder. “But god _dammit,_ I thought I was gonna be the first!”

“You did?”

“You never read what I sent you when you were gone, Kuwei.”

“Well, no. I couldn’t.” And he hadn’t wanted to go back and look. It made him feel bad.

“I told you I _liked you,_ Kuwei. Saints, I’d been crushing on you for so long—I didn’t think you liked me back at all, I just wanted to tell you in case you—in case I never saw you again.”

Oh.

_Oh._

“I didn’t really know, I…” Kuwei didn’t know a lot of people to have crushes on. He’d definitely felt something for some of the guys he saw on TV or on social media, but he didn’t really know what it felt like to really _like_ someone.

Until now.

“I do like you, Jesper,” Kuwei said slowly. “I think… I think I always did. I just didn’t really realize it until now.”

Jesper grinned. “Oh, I like the sound of that. Maybe everyone I’ve ever pined hopelessly for also liked me back, they just didn’t get the chance to realize it.”

“Stop it,” Kuwei laughed, but he felt like things made a lot more sense now. That was why he had felt the way he did when he had seen Jesper for the first time. That was why he’d felt so safe in his arms. He wasn’t just a friend, he was… so much more than that to him. Jesper had been the person who could fit in his pocket, the person who never left him no matter how much he moved, and now he was the boy who finally made him feel safe, the boy he’d kissed and the boy with the same gift as him.

This wasn’t a dream, Kuwei knew now, though it had been one at first. He had a friend, one right in front of him that he could _touch._ He had a gift that he didn’t have to hide anymore. And he had a place where he was sure he could feel safe, a place where he didn’t have to run anymore.

“You know, I forgot to tell you,” Kuwei said finally, when they’d stopped laughing and were sat amongst the jurda, hands intertwined. “My father and I had to change our names when we came here.”

“Oh, no,” Jesper said. “Am I gonna have to call you something else? Because I kind of liked Kuwei.”

“It’s not _your name,_ ” Kuwei laughed, but he had to admit he liked hearing that a lot. “But no, you can still call me Kuwei when we’re alone. I think you’ll like what I picked out, though.”

“Oh? _You_ picked it out?”

“Of course I did,” Kuwei said smugly. “It’s Nhaban.”

“ _The rising phoenix,_ ” Jesper translated. “Oh. Because…”

“Because I’m being reborn,” Kuwei finished for him. “I’m going to be a new person here in Novyi Zem, if you’ll have me.”

“Of course I will,” Jesper reassured him with a smile. He squeezed his hand. “Of course, Nhaban.”

He really liked the sound of that.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

They sat like that for a while, looking up at the beautiful Zemeni sky as the sun began to set, its bright blue colors fading into pinks and oranges. _Nhaban._ Kuwei knew that felt right.

“ _The rising phoenix._ That’s so fucking extra, you know that?”

“Shut up!”

Right indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the penis. i have an awful sense of humor  
> anyways, that, my friends, is the end of this fic! i know jeswei is a very unpopular ship and something i was previously pretty inexperienced in writing (most of my fics are wesper or ninej centered lmao) but regardless i had a blast putting my heart and soul into this fic. it was refreshing to take a break from writing white boys for a while. thank you very very much to those of you who took the time to read this fic. i hope you enjoyed my drawings and my stupidity and very strange plot.  
> finally, thank you to my beta @JustHereForLaughs who somehow read this even though they didn't have any prior knowledge of the grishaverse. thanks for putting up with my nonsense!


End file.
